The Last Airbender. M. Night Shyamalan
... which in greek means "how to create a mountain of shit out of the premises which would become overexcited mandrills all pimply, smelly nerd on earth."
Praises to the synthesis of its ancient greek, are the only awards that you will read below.
But first a quick plot summary.
In an imaginary world (very close, however, to Imperial China) there are four nations, each linked to an item. Water, Air, Earth and Fire.
In every country, some people develop the ability to "dominate" (Bend to be precise English, "Bend") the typical element of their nation could then manipulate it according to his will. To maintain the balance
a figure known as an avatar in reincarnation continues through the centuries, one can manipulate all four elements, thus ensuring a balance of universal harmony between the different parts of the world.
hundred years ago, however, the last Avatar was gone, and taking advantage of his absence, the country began a campaign of Fire d conquer all other kingdoms.
The film opens with the return of the Avatar in a land devastated by war.
A premise is a bit 'of a video game (the film is actually adapted from a cartoon "Avatar: The Last Airbender), but with proper dose of caution and a bit of nerditudine, could give a enjoyment, especially visually, more than satisfactory.
Unfortunately, the film does not succeed and the blame can be attributed to certain factors.
First and the Protagonist ', said simply, one of the less charismatic characters that the seventh art ever brought to the screen.
On the role of the agreement was "predestined" that, let's face it, makes it a bit annoying 'anyone.
In fact, the background to the story of the protagonist of this film does not add a gram of sand to the plate of "benevolence" as a hefty bag of shit on the plate of 'hatred' towards the Brat Bald.
Already Bald Brat. Frustrated by a little voice unbearable, the odious little child spends all his time to scamper a little here and there 'a bit mystical and' no, to say things without any sense, but suppose, inspired by his good heart (because He is obviously good) in a ridiculous attempt to paint him as a character pure, unsullied, good, in a world in ruins.
the twelfth shot of his eyes disillusioned in the face of disasters in the world and the next strong position of authority afforded by the charisma of stocazzo staminkia hope it starts a ball of magma, and that it infringes on his face disfigured forever .
Unfortunately this does not happen.
He remains there, with his little face of disappointment and little mouth half open, his sensibility wounded prey.
Ah, him the last Airbender, you know? It has a trauma.
seems that when this kid has just discovered that the avatar that is predestined that can bend itself to all four elements and bring peace to the world, and has also discovered that you could not marry or have a family . Betrayed
this fundamental pillar of marriage, a child of ten years Monaco has not withstood the pain and ran off, hibernate for a hundred years on the seabed.
Consequence? The Country Fire
despite the total lack of brain _every_ single member of that side has conquered half the world by subjecting people to harassment and cruelty, and wiped out all evil his monastery.
Monastery which is a copy of the discount of a temple Sciaolìn where children spent their days a little face upturned stump Gurd leaves swirling in the sky, or by the "rascal" trying to do saw the lesson of "meditation." All under the watchful eye of a disturbing Pedo-Bear dressed as Monaco.
short, a place to mourn Herod.
strength of all these winning elements to gain the sympathy I do not say, at least the credibility of the public (magari!) the stinging babies adds the icing on the cake of instinct infanticide, when you use his powers.
The Last Airbender, The predestined that bends to the force of the wind itself what it does for the whole movie?
kata.
you know those moves a bit 'that we do tai martial artists to train?
Or better yet, you know those ridiculous Mossette that made the power rangers while talking?
Here.
He does the kata.
If the expectation upon entering the room was "Balls fire glowing fire without mercy against the walls of ice, melting, you will recreate the lethal blades, razor-sharp meant to be broken by a giant fist of rock that takes shape from the ground, only to be turned into sand by a hurricane, "Well I'm sorry.
Everything you will Kata.
He, the Ruler, is the kata, and it "pushes" away the bad.
is what it does.
pushing out the bad guys with ridiculous turbunetti air, that not even the fan with David Hasseloff. All mixed up with licks like "Stay away!", "Let me feel. "
And this is the predestined that will save the world?
Ah okay.
addition to the well-known kata though, the kid gives us too intense expression with the mouth-shaped "chicken ass" while in the prime of his elemental power ... pushes away the bad.
Mouth wide open in dismay, "Chicken Ass" to pout or Shirley Temple. Here are the expressions that follow one another without feeling throughout the film. A more
emorroidea other.
The kid is accompanied by two other guys who wake up from his cryogenic exile.
And then formed the trio of wonders, which compares the trio of Hogwarts is a gang in Harlem with easy griletto and brass knuckles with diamonds.
Because after the first 10 minutes, expectations about the "Elemental Wars" are muffled by a hood Disneyana of "goodness." Now though
If this direction can work for a cartoon, does not work in a movie, or at least not in this film. As a matter of "means" exactly what happens between a libroe film.
Watching this film, set as a cartoon, you forfeit any expectation of "realism" (precisely because of this error setting) and therefore any "depth" that is suggested is stressful under the best of circumstances, and ridiculous in the vast majority of cases.
Throughout the film there is the impression that the director wanted to say something, to peace, of environmentalist even without being completely unable to manage the "means" great. Fact that the very choice of language "fantasy" has the clearing, dragging it to a room full of ideas, without giving him the opportunity to choose, and to develop any.
In his pretensions by reason this movie to anyone who feels that the Fantasy is a kind of second category, unable to forward messages through the symbolism that are proper.
The timing of the Lord of the Rings are unfortunately far.
When he even pretend to say something sensible, is made with superficiality and a good a dose of humor that truly does _not_ ridere_ the whole palace collapses noisily on whether weave, unfortunately not loud enough to wake the audience dall'amniotico Scazzi lot of which are now mired for hours.
-style "bhuddista" the good guys in this film parry.
Quoting one of my Compagnucci of snacks, "in this film good parry.
they do is block.
And sorry if I seem pedantic, but fuck!
I wanted the elementalist real shit! No
here in a stoned by pro-Buddhists are all good, sweet, respectful of life.
But why? Even the Master
Myagi c'aveva football heron!, Because, by God we still have to put up with the ball that good and the bad guys are respectful of life does not?
Considering that almost all the characters have oriental features, like being immersed in a guided tour of "The East's second Ammerigani" that immense rice fields full of wise masters of martial arts but do not kill anyone, and monks in perpetual ecstatic contemplation of "what is beautiful life ". But beware
Kurosawa God!
What then with the cock, because this whole atmosphere is ready to break (while Shyamalan swirled in search of an expedient to continue the plot) there is hardly any need to distance itself from the episodic nature of the animated series to continue in the film.
And in fact, the adventure begins with a grandmother who degenerate after Pippone: "More than one hundred years ago ..." (repeated three times in the first 20 minutes of movie prologue text included) sends the two grandchildren (orphans ) to save the kid Bald known type 2 hours before riding a flying creature out of a fantasyfetish wet-dream featuring an Oni-Dragon and Fortune.
"Why are the battles, all battles are won first in his heart."
This is the last sacrament in which the wicked old woman sends her grandchildren to certain death.
"'A Grandmother! Mavvaffanculo go! "
certainly a bit 'we understand the grandmother, because the two grandchildren in question, really deserve that horrible death.
She: A pain in the ass.
Him: A fool.
At this point one hopes that the two forces collide, and that at least he, Sokka, perish under the semantic characterization sister. But no. He, he, Sokka to understand will remain in a state of complete uselessness, with his ridiculous hairdo and his only comedians that make you ears bleed.
But she breaks my balls.
And then nothing the three go about it because I do not remember where ... ah yes, because the terrible Reign of Fire is conquering all the kingdoms of the "elements" and therefore must be stopped because the balance and then bla bla 'bla bla bla Sticazzi. A yes
be stopped because they have "machines".
And the machines we know, are evil.
Not dwell on the fact that the "cars" is a reworking of the vessels of the Smokers and the water world and they are obviously _brutte_ smoke _nero_ ec'hanno toes hurt and are furnished with a post-Soviet industrial design, and that rather small cold but cozy igloo good are places of warmth and coziness, and fuck you.
Reading ecologist is so blatant that even want to waste time saying what do shit.
However the bad machines and they want to win everything, but between bad and then there was one that the prince who wants to capture the avatar (the Bald Brat) to get back into the good graces of his father who had said "vattinne. A is then had also burned in the face.
The three insufferable brats are in the United Earth to film an episode of Xena.
are there in the woods of Xena to talk to each other when a little boy comes out from behind a tree and behind the balls.
"What's up!?" Say all three brats.
And here a frenzy of shooting and editing gives us a hilarious scene.
I swear a second later, but just a second later, leaving behind a tree, all in a row, the soldiers of the country of fire (which had previously subjugated to the earth) to claim boy.
But rega were _dietro lui_ ie what kind of enough to accidentally bumped cadergli above.
Nothing.
Seven armored warriors with halberds giants.
A barefoot boy and ugly.
Nothing.
Captain of this squad of super soldiers claim the fugitive, saying, I die right now: "We threw stones. Hurt! "
I swear.
expression incredulos front of the public, the soldiers added.
"It 'a ruler of the earth and all the rulers should be arrested" A
ok.
Then the pain in the ass
a kata. Unfortunately
can hurt his brother, and freezing, creating a situation of humor unsuccessful most embarrassing ever.
What a laugh.
So nothing Katà unsuccessful are imprisoned, and pain in the ass Foolish brat, plus the boy who must have thought "checculo! Luckily this is the one who will bring peace! "
The soldiers then escorted to the prison where they are kept confined to dominating Earth.
Now.
If you were the Country Fire shutting up dominion over the earth?
In a prison of steel in the highest room of a tower of steel?
No.
Guess' where the rulers of the Earth are locked up?
mean by "dominate" in this film means that with one aspect of us the fuck he wants, you kill the housekeeper, we build a Dune Buggy, and if you want Sbragia well pipes sink.
But what the heck! On a prison ship in the sea?
No.
In a quarry.
in a fucking cave.
The "prison" of the rulers of the Earth produced by the brilliant soldiers of Fire, is a quarry.
The quarry for the accuracy of Xena.
But the fact remains that the prison is a place of mind because it seems that the rulers of the Earth have accepted their fate with the same deference to those who have bought tickets for this film.
Peeled And then comes the kid.
Oh I swear. A scene but not by pep talk "go cougars", worse, made by one with a insufferable little voice in the coming years poracci that kicked ass and make hunger. (Deservedly so let's not forget they are in a cave cock! A SLOT!)
There comes a kid and walking seraphic between prisoners and guards, who rather than stands out from its odious shithead little body with a quick swing of their halberd listen to him to instill the desire for rebellion in the hearts of the rulers of the Earth, says, "are the rulers of the earth you have to react! Beat the wicked. "
Silence.
He looks around and adds
"You are in a quarry, the soil itself is your weapon!" Suddenly the
understanding. A couple of
taken for a ride by the soldiers (and of course big dumb like "ahaha and what do you do Regazzini? Hahaha!")
and Ale.
Kata.
A collective outing among all the rulers of the earth in the hollow s'incazzano but not so much that they are limited, of course, to prepare, always doing
Other kata kata.
Ass Gallina. Still
Katà
Enemies driven away.
Kata Sticazzi and then the Kingdom of Earth.
ends the episode of Xena.
Party a narrative interlude with a lot of kata in the streets of the markets of Beijing, and chicken butts, and do not know how to get the epilogue of this drama.
The Theatre of the conclusion of the events is the town of Spa in the North where the brats go because he, the Bald, he can not even master the water element and has to learn.
In North City Water a sort of Helm's Deep cosruita on the side of a icberg completely covered with snow and ice. (Aesthetically beautiful, as all landscape aspects of the film) in this city said that there is a princess must be terribly fuck all, because prepared via the care of the balls, condemning her to death mathematics.
And then the water in the city but also a place that is not only spiritual but is "very spiritual" (sigh!) in which there are two carp, but these are the spirits uplifted.
And nothing here the film is a frenzy of hilarious things.
Battle scenes stolen from a little 'all the fantastic film with great battles of the past 10 years, the kid has to meditate for help from the Dragon that you do not know where the fuck is gone, and then goes into the "Great Place spiritual and meditate, despite the pain in the ass
Okay meditate while you are out of the water balloon with farts and the lighter, then I do not remember why he is captured by the prince (the burn) and play hide and seek behind the jars. Then the Brat Peeled since he's a nice sagometta demmerda spread on a wall of vomiting is the scene of Franco Franchi and Ciccio Ingrassia.
You know when you walk behind the other and turn when the other turns the other says, "but oibò where you will be kicked?"
's do that.
What a laugh.
Then the
And then he discovered that he'd be the first ruler of all the elements ...
understand his trauma.
And bon.
understands the trauma and processes it and then as "the water flows like the emotions" from the walls of the city relies on the constitutive element of the ocean and raises a huge, huge, huge wave of water that dominates the entire fleet enemy which is precisely the un'ondona "Deep Impact" to speak.
And then he does? The
down with vigorous fury on those bloody bastards in the country of the fire that killed the carp and destroyed the temple?
No.
The retreats.
And the nation's fire dell'insensato gooders rather than taking advantage of the kid to put to death all those who escaped.
Finish.
That is why there will be no sequel, but I do not remember what happens.
In this film there is nothing that should have been, and most of what we would have done without.
The characters do not go beyond a characterization at best weak and inconsistent. History is riddled with ridiculous messages, none of which are detailed, giving a reason for the endless succession of kata, ass chicken and dialogue that at best you push to shake his head as the prey of a nightmare and gasping for resigned "nooo, please bastaaa. The confirmation that yes, make a film relying on special effects is not enough. Never.
Here the digital effects, but many are misused.
Too little and still in the service of a story that speaks of a kingdom at war in which we see (maybe) dead.
No blood. Nothing
death.
The total damage that the kingdom of fire deals the city water in the final battle is comparable to what happens at home when you accidentally defrosts the freezer.
The casting plant of music and costumes, is faced with a lightness surpassed only dall'infima quality of dubbing.
There is a character / actor who send a minimum of charisma (except perhaps the fact that it is aesthetically beautiful princess), the costumes are a good level but for a session of role-playing live sets and didactic beyond belief.
As in "Lady in the Water", director spray shit on the premises bright and packs a shapeless creature castrated figs cues and focusing on things that really, while watching the movie you say, "What the fuck is that?"
The film does not involve, but even worse, being a film "great" do not even rise from his chair carried into the imaginary world of the story, but leaves you there, exactly as before an episode of Xena, but terribly long, you wonder when it that ends that you have to go home and tell everybody how do shit.
The Last Airbender. Unfortunately no.
PS
Ah check it every now and then a monkey with wings.
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